All of us were born with the need for physical and emotional care. God created us to desire closeness with those who take care of us as we grow. When we face a loss, we can become subject to the fear of abandonment by others in our lives.
During childhood, some adults have experienced situations that have caused abandonment issues. Even children experience symptoms of abandonment.
Fear of abandonment can be brought on by experiencing the loss of a parent, being abandoned by parents, adoption, having no physical or emotional care, and feeling unsafe due to abuse or poverty. These experiences can have lasting effects on many aspects of life.
There are therapy options to help with abandonment. The first step in finding abandonment therapy is to identify what abandonment is and what type of therapy is needed.
Get connected with a Christian Counselor
Please contact our reception team at
(469) 333-6163
Knowing what fear abandonment is will help decide which type of therapy will help you overcome the abandonment issues you currently experience. The fear of abandonment is a form of anxiety brought on by the loss of someone in childhood.
This kind of fear can develop when a child loses an important person in their life and they continue to fear others will leave. Adults who have been neglected as children, sustained serious injuries, or have been victims of crimes also develop abandonment-related fears.
Say to those with anxious heart, “Take courage, fear not. Behold, your God will come with vengeance; The retribution of God will come, But He will save you.” – Isaiah 35:4, NASB
Types of Abandonment
There are many ways a person can experience abandonment. The most common types are emotional abandonment and total abandonment.
Emotional/affectional abandonment happens when the caregivers or spouse negate emotions. This could be evident by not allowing emotions or ridiculing a person about their emotions.
Total abandonment is the most common type. This is a result of one or both parents abandoning a child. This could even be a result of a spouse leaving a marriage.
There are a few other types of abandonment that can fall within the two main category types. Spiritual abandonment is when a person is abandoned because of or lack of spiritual beliefs. Financial abandonment happens when you were never taught about finances or grew up without financial security. Sexual abandonment results when one spouse refuses to engage in sexual relationships.
Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or in dread of them, for the LORD your God is the One who is going with you. He will not desert you or abandon you.” – Deuteronomy 31:6, NASB
The signs of abandonment issues can be emotional as well as behavioral. These signs are not the same for each person. Identifying abandonment issues in adults and children depend on the history and the symptoms.
Abandonment Issues in Adults
The Inability to Trust Others
This is normally found in adults who have been left alone in a relationship. For one reason or another, the other partner or spouse has left. This leaves the person fearing that everyone will eventually leave.
Feeling Insecure in Relationships
This is not the same as trust. This is in the form of not being secure enough in yourself. You feel that you are not good enough for someone to stay with you.
The Need for Constant Reassurance
While this stems from distrust, it is not the same as the inability to trust. This is a need to be told that the person is not leaving the relationship.
Maintaining an Unhealthy Relationship
This happens when the fear of being abandoned is bigger than the toxicity in a bad relationship.
Always Needing to Please Others
This is the fear of abandonment due to the thought of not being able to please the other person.
The Lack of Emotional Intimacy
This is evident when you desire to refrain from any kind of attachment for fear of being hurt or left.
Lack of Commitment in Relationships
You refrain from committing to a relationship to avoid being hurt.
Abandonment Issues in Children
Anxiety About Separation
When the child is away from their parents or close loved ones they become anxious and often feel unsafe.
Fear of Being Alone
The child may find it hard to play alone or may seem clingy to those around them.
Stress-Induced Illnesses
A child with abandonment issues may exhibit physical ailments such as stomachaches or headaches.
Must Maintain Sight of a Parent
When the child loses sight of the parent they begin to panic.
Lack of Concentration
Abandonment issues have also been known to interfere with the ability to concentrate. The child may struggle to stay focused at school.
Choosing the right form of abandonment therapy comes from understanding how the fear of abandonment has affected you. These effects are related to what caused your abandonment issues. Most effects are directed toward relationships and how you engage with others.
- Chronic anxiety is one of the most common effects of abandonment issues. This is seen in both adults and children. Because of this anxiety, you may find yourself unable to perceive the truth about a relationship. This will result in clingy behavior.
- Poor communication can be a lasting effect because you are unable to communicate positively.
- Because of the fear of abandonment, you may be unable to express emotional or physical intimacy.
- The onset of codependency can indicate that you are unable to function alone.
Attachment Styles Associated with Abandonment Issues
When you struggle with abandonment you may form attachments in relationships that are not healthy. These can affect your future relationships. These can be seen in both adults and children.
Avoidant Attachment Style
This type of attachment forms when the child’s needs have not been fulfilled by the parent. The child will begin to assume that no one will ever meet their needs. People with this type of attachment style will not desire to have close relationships. Their lifestyle is one of independence and survival. These individuals may seem to be cold and uncaring.
Fearful Attachment Style
When the parents have been abusive or toxic the child may develop this style of attachment. It is also known as the disorganized attachment style. The person has no idea what they want. They may become distant when their need is met.
Anxious Attachment Style
If the child’s needs were consistently unmet, then they may develop an anxious attachment style. This type of attachment is evident when the person exhibits jealous tendencies. The person may also have trouble with change and trust.
6 Types of Abandonment Therapy
Because the fear of abandonment differs for each person, there is no standard therapy for abandonment issues. The goal of each treatment plan is to assist the person in resolving the issue and help them understand how to engage in healthy relationships.
- Psychodynamic therapy: This encourages the person to recognize the thoughts that are connected to the past through awareness.
- Cognitive behavioral therapy: This type of therapy focuses on identifying negative thinking patterns and replacing them with positive thoughts.
- Behavioral therapy: The focus of this therapy is to talk through the process of identifying unhealthy patterns of behavior.
- Play therapy: This is geared toward children and is focused on using toys and activities to examine emotions.
- Psychoeducation: During this therapy, the therapist will include the person in the knowledge and treatment of their diagnosis. This is done to encourage the person to participate in a therapeutic process.
- Attachment-based therapy: This type of therapy uses a supportive bond between the therapist and the person. This is not the same as attachment therapy which is the unsafe use of restraints to treat attachment issues.
- Ways To Assist with Abandonment Issue Recovery
Along with therapy, you may also choose to follow some steps to keep you focused on recovery from the fear of abandonment. This process will assist you or your loved one in recognizing and dismissing the old thought patterns of abandonment issues.
Choose Your Healing
If you want to heal, you must choose it and take responsibility for it. When you take accountability, you are beginning to promote self-care healthily and positively.
Create Structure
If you want to begin living a stable life then you must choose to create structure. Learning how to manage your time will help you learn to manage your daily triggers. Set limits that will help you balance work and life.
Validate Yourself
Though this may sound selfish, you need to understand how to be aware of your issues and experiences. This will help you understand that you do not need others to validate you. This will ultimately strengthen friendships.
Connect with the Moment You Are In
When you learn to accept and appreciate the moment that you are in you will find that you can build a better life.
Turn the Pain into a Possibility
By using the pain you experienced to change yourself, you are creating the possibility of a healthy life.
Separate Feelings from Facts
Learning to distinguish feelings from facts will lessen the amount of time you spend overwhelmed by emotions.
Know Why You Feel Hopeless
When you feel hopeless, take time to examine why and identify how to manage that feeling at that moment.
Expand Your Emotions
If it feels like you are being rushed in recovery, take time to slow down and stretch your thought process. Stay in the emotion long enough to expand the experience to build emotional strength.
Meet Your Triggers
Facing the triggers isn’t always easy. But taking time to meet them head-on can help you identify how to manage them and heal that trigger.
Retrain Yourself
When you set out to heal you must understand that it will take change. Challenging your thought process will help you learn to change your thought patterns. You are the only one that can change you to heal you.
If you feel that you need abandonment therapy reach out to your local Christian counselor. You can talk to someone on the phone to schedule an appointment. Christian counselors can use faith-based techniques to help you during therapy.
Get connected with a Christian Counselor
Please contact our reception team at
(469) 333-6163