7 Tips for Building Self-esteem

Multi-billion-dollar industries have been built around the topic of how to get a good self-image or self-esteem and for good reason. How we think about ourselves has a huge impact on the type of life we live including the opportunities we pursue, the quality of the relationships we have, and our overall mental well-being.

Individuals with healthy self-esteem tend to enjoy better interactions with people and are less knocked by challenges life throws at them. Those with poor self-esteem struggle and are more likely to develop depression or anxiety or use self-destructive behaviors to try and regulate their underlying feelings.

Building self-esteem is also popular because, as people living in a fallen world, we tend to feel broken in some way. This is either a result of childhood trauma, imposed on us, unpleasant experiences during our growing up years (being on the receiving end of bullying at school, for instance), or simply because, on this side of heaven, we will always sense that we are not quite whole.

We often try to do everything we can to feel right. Improvement and progress in this area are important. It is liberating, however, to realize that everyone experiences some sort of challenge in this area.

The foundational truth which lies at the heart of building self-esteem is a deep understanding of the biblical doctrine of creation. Every person is infinitely valuable because God made them, and we were made in His own image (Genesis 1:27). In ways we can not fully explain, we are like God and can therefore enjoy a relationship with Him.

More than that, He has made you with a special purpose in mind, “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God created beforehand that we should walk in them.” (Ephesians 2:10, ESV) This means that we have unique strengths and natural inclinations that, as we discover them and grow in them, we gain self-confidence and become more of the person that God has made us to be.

The second important element of self-esteem is the fact that God loves us unconditionally. There is absolutely nothing we can do to step outside of his love; God loves us simply because He is our father and we are His children. This truth should fill us, and make us whole, and, as we grow in our love and knowledge of God, the holes that we feel inside due to low self-esteem will certainly grow smaller.

We may not have had perfect earthly parents, but our heavenly Father loves us perfectly, and His grace can cover the multitude of wounds caused by human imperfection and sin. We should not be even seeking self-esteem, but rather “God-esteem”; having our view of ourselves transformed and in line with what God thinks of us.

Getting to grips with these concepts so that we internalize them can be extremely difficult. If you are struggling with building self-esteem from a very low base, it would be helpful to seek out a Christian counselor who can walk the journey with you.

Here are some other practical tips to help improve your feelings of confidence on a day-to-day basis:

Scrutinize Your Beliefs

We all hold conscious and sub-conscious views of ourselves, and the first step in the process of dismantling them is to recognize what they are. Where did these narratives come from, and how do they weigh up with the truth contained in Scripture?

This can be a difficult road to go down, as you look into your past, but being able to identify the root of your low self-image is a necessary part of working towards healing and building self-esteem.

Focus on Behaviors

The next important component would be identifying how you act when your self-esteem is feeling low. For example, if you always beat yourself up when you make a mistake or what you deem to be a social faux pas, you can focus intentionally on giving yourself some grace.

It will take some time for you to recognize the negative self-talk that goes through your mind, but when you do start to see it, you can take the next step. This is when you stop it in its tracks and replace the negativity with something more positive. You could even add some humor to deflect what you might otherwise see as something very serious.

If you have a counselor, they will likely also be able to guide you through how to transform your perspective through the power of positivity. While the self-help industry is not specifically based on a biblical approach, it is worth noting that Scripture sums it up entirely in this little proverb: “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” (Proverbs 4:23, NIV) Transforming your thought life one thought at a time will go a long way toward building self-esteem.

Cultivate Gratitude

Gratitude has also been widely recognized for its remarkable benefits in building self-esteem. As you focus on the good gifts that God has given you every day, your mind will be trained away from the negative toward the beauty in the world around you. This takes you out of the bubble you can tend to live in when struggling with self-image, making you feel better in general.

Find Ways to Serve

Just as gratitude takes us outside of ourselves, a practical means of building self-esteem is to find a way to serve others, perhaps in a volunteer capacity. This allows viewing how much we have compared to others and enables us to contribute. As we do this we begin to feel like our lives have value and purpose.

Exercise

God has made our bodies to move, and when we do, they give us the amazing benefit of an endorphin boost, which immediately improves our mood. As a natural medication for depression and anxiety, exercise makes us feel better, fitter, and stronger. Exercise is a practical way towards building self-esteem.

Study God’s Word

As you read and meditate on Scripture, it is liberating to see that many characters in the Bible have struggled with self-esteem, finding themselves in a place where they are filled with self-hatred and shame. Their stories also provide insight into how humans throughout history have found their value in God and overcome toxic thinking.

Read Books on The Subject

There are many excellent resources available on building self-esteem. They offer a biblically-centered approach and can help you as you release hard thoughts. As you do this you can begin to take hold of a new life, where you experience victory in Christ. You have the freedom to be authentic to the person you are deep down, not constrained by external and self-imposed limitations.

Utilize Wisdom

The opposite of low self-esteem is high self-esteem, which can veer toward pride and arrogance. This is not territory that one wants to end up in. It is wise to remind oneself of Romans “Do not of yourself more highly than you ought.” (Romans 12:3, NIV)

The aim of building self-esteem is not to compare yourself to others, or even really to feel good about yourself, but rather to forget about yourself as you focus on loving God wholeheartedly and serving His people. In the midst of this, you might find that your self-image issues have all but disappeared.

For help improving your self-esteem, contact our office. One of our trained counselors will guide you as you develop a stronger sense of worth.