Talking Hearts: Improving Communication With Others

Communication is a vital and undeniable part of managing and growing relationships. Whether we talk with words or gestures, the practice of expression and absorbing messages is built into every human exchange. We convey and receive, exchanging the sentiments that would otherwise remain buried. Though essential, communication can get convoluted when we don’t know how to engage with one another from a place of love. Speaking God’s truth, yet in love, is an important place to begin as we consider the nature of our talking hearts.

Words Into Worlds

Though we have freedom in Christ, we do not have a license to say whatever we please, whether we are intimately connected with them or not. We may not always recognize the power of words. Words hold the potential to speak worlds into being. God demonstrated this at Creation when the Spirit hovered above the murky deep. Instead of exclaiming and giving credence to the darkness, God exercised words of life to speak light into being, setting in motion a pattern for the world we now know.

All of creation followed, unfolding and flourishing at the command of the Almighty. He created us in a similar fashion, first taking counsel with Himself to contemplate making humankind. Likewise, Adam, formed in God’s Image and by God’s own Hand, followed the Father’s example, naming the animals as part of his garden stewardship.

Curiously, Adam did not exercise the power of his words to arrest the serpent who deceived him and his wife into accepting the forbidden fruit. Whether we speak or avoid declaring God’s words, we have the choice to release or suppress the power God intended for us to shift with words.

Consider Christ, Our Communication Guide

Thankfully, Jesus, who is often referred to as the Second Adam, didn’t just verbalize, but embodied the Word of God in flesh (John 1:14). In human form, He modeled the kinds of communication that reflected the Father’s Will and intentions on the earth. He spoke boldly, yet with conviction and compassion. It was not His articulation alone, but also the delivery that ushered Heaven into earth. As believers, we look to Christ’s example to teach and guide us how to communicate.

Jesus, who was God’s love offering to the world, did not come to condemn, but rather redeem and restore what was lost (John 3:17). In each of His interactions, He presented Himself as the Truth, the Way, and the Life. He offered the opportunity for individuals to exercise their faith and choose to believe and follow. He did not constrain or force but rather allowed their hearts to speak to them, even as He engaged them with miracles, signs, and wonders. Many saw the words of the Law and the Prophets emerge through the ways that Jesus interacted with the Father and others and were able to receive Him as Messiah.

Consider the Conflict

Today, we have the choice to accept His guidance as we seek to communicate with our brothers and sisters in Christ. We won’t agree on every matter, but we can learn to disagree in ways that are respectful and still honor the Spirit of Christ and the image of God in each other. Our words, when spoken hastily before God’s intended time or with harshness, can damage those who are part of the same Body. We need to be mindful of our intentions and our delivery, first submitting them to the Lord so they don’t result in harm, but rather in healing.

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry – James 1:19 NIV

Listening is part of communication. While we are not responsible for what other people say or how they say it, we can ask for clarification. When we paraphrase our understanding of what we’ve heard, it informs the speaker that we are listening and invites opportunities to connect.

While further conversation may need to ensue, we can ask the Lord to help us filter the core of the message, through His Heart, even if the delivery is prickly. He will give us wisdom in how to respond and engage in love, even where we need to confront inappropriate or unclear communication.

Your speech must always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person. – Colossians 4:6 NASB2020

Consider the Content

The content of our conversation may not be in error, but we may need to discern the Lord’s timing to express a particular sentiment. When we allow the Word of God to set the times and season our words, we receive and release grace into the lives of those with whom we engage.

The Holy Spirit knows how to capture hearts better than we do. Yet, we can partner with Him and receive the wisdom that will give us an audience with those that we love while sharing the words that will convey the Father’s Heart. Sometimes, in learning to tame our tongue and temper our timing, we must take the first step of surrendering our own hearts.

Hearts need to be purified through God’s Word. As we consider if we are speaking to “get something off our chests,” that is to unburden ourselves of something we’ve been wanting to say, let’s consider our motives. Are we speaking with the intent to edify and build up, independent of our own agendas? Our zeal, when coupled with ignorance, can destroy the relationships that we want to preserve (Romans 10:2). In this manner, our communication struggles can reflect an internal battle that requires support and resolution.

Let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth, but if there is any good word for edification according to the need of the moment, say that, so that it will give grace to those who hear. – Ephesians 4:29 NASB2020

Understanding Internal Battles

Our words emerge from what our hearts meditate on (Psalm 19:14). We need to be aware of what we think about, as our internal conversations populate the messages we convey (Philippians 4:8). Being conscious of our minds and presenting them back to the Lord helps us to align our hearts with the Father (Romans 12:1-2).

In doing so, we submit the entirety of our communication, that is our listening, words, and nonverbal cues to the Lord to release His Heart through us. However, there will be times when we find ourselves in conflict with those we love and in need of a reset in our communication.

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart Be acceptable in Your sight, Lord, my rock and my Redeemer. – Psalms 19:14 NASB2020

Sometimes, the challenges we encounter in communication emerge from internal battles. Often, the pain we have experienced in our lives can shade our perspectives. Experiences, such as rejection and abandonment can color the view we have of ourselves, God, and others with a negative lens. God knows this and wants to heal us. Yet, if we are unwilling to open our hands to release the pain, He won’t wrestle it away from us. He will speak, and often through our hearts, to communicate through our emotions that there are issues we need to address and pain we need to resolve.

Next Steps

While we may not always sense it, our hearts are always talking. Our internal scripts, that is the dialog we have with ourselves, thoughts, and behaviors often reveal the place where we need to experience healing. We can take the first step of healing our talking hearts and our interactions with others by communing with our own hearts. Getting still and silent gives space to the Holy Spirit to lead us in tracing the origin of our hurt.

Tremble and do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent. – Psalms 4:4 NIV

This isn’t something that we want to walk alone. Although the Holy Spirit is present and powerful in us, we may require another kind of support. Gathering resources such as counseling may usher our hearts into the healing that only Jesus brings. Search our site to locate and schedule with a counselor. Your next step may involve talking with your own heart to heal from within and enhance your communication with others.