Abandonment and Neglect

In the Bible’s view, children are a gift and one of the ways the Lord shows His favor to people. One Psalm says, Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; They will not be ashamed When they speak with their enemies in the gate – Psalm 127:3-5, NASB These precious gifts come to us vulnerable and in need of nurture. It’s the responsibility of a parent or caregiver to provide a safe environment that allows that child to flourish and meet their full potential. The unfortunate reality, however, is that not every parent or caregiver has the intention, capacity, resources, or skills to meet the needs of a child successfully. Childhood emotional neglect is a concern that affects many children when they are young, and its impact lasts into their adulthood. Defining childhood emotional neglect The picture that might be conjured when you hear the word ‘neglect’ in connection with children could be a dark one. You might picture neglect as starving or isolating a child from contact with other people by locking them up in a basement. Such actions, because they are intentionally disregarding the needs and well-being of a child, would be better classified as childhood emotional abuse. ‘Neglect’ primarily names the way a parent or caregiver fails to notice or act upon a child’s expressed needs. Examples of childhood emotional neglect A parent who meets the physical needs of a child can be emotionally neglectful if they don’t meet the emotional needs of that child. Some of the examples of childhood emotional neglect include: Brushing off a child’s feelings as unimportant or exaggerated. Not listening when a child expresses [...]

Adult attachment styles describe the way people interact with others in close relationships and how they connect with them on an emotional level. According to attachment theory, there are four different adult attachment styles: secure attachment, which is the ideal one, and three others that are classified as insecure. All of them are shaped by the type of bond infants develop with their primary caregiver. This first emotional connection determines the way they learn to view themselves, others, and the world, and becomes a prototype for how they navigate their relationships in adulthood. Although people may at times exhibit traits across the continuum of attachment styles, they will typically fall into one of the following. Four types of adult attachment styles Secure attachment People with a secure attachment style tend to have a positive view of themselves and of others and to feel confident in their relationships. They are resilient, able to handle conflict in a healthy way, lead balanced lives, openly communicate their feelings, and ask for support when they need it. Because their needs for love and security were met in infancy, they are more likely to trust their partner, expect him or her to reciprocate their love, and give him or her space for alone time without feeling rejected or threatened. Anxious attachment People with an anxious attachment style tend to be insecure, self-critical, and needy, and to have a negative view of themselves. They derive their sense of self-worth from their relationships and tend to suffer from extreme anxiety when their partner is away. Because their primary caregiver alternated unpredictably between warmth and rejection and was never consistently available during infancy, they have grown into adults with a deep-rooted fear of being abandoned and they spend a lot of time worrying about their relationships. Their [...]