Are You Ready for Marriage? Tips for Discernment

Deciding if you are ready for marriage requires some thought and assessment. To be able to provide an answer, you must first have a solid understanding of who you are. As you think about this, here are some things to consider.

Ready for Marriage? Aspects to Consider

Relationships

Think about the relationships you have currently. These do not need to be romantic relationships.

• How do you behave toward your mother, father, and siblings?
• Do you frequently find yourself losing your cool with them, perhaps resorting to using rude or sarcastic language to get your point across?
• In light of that, what kind of remarks would they make about you?

How you interact with members of your family is predictive of how you will behave toward a potential mate.

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. – Ephesians 4:31, NIV

Attitude and behavior

Your attitude and the way you behave can be indicators of your readiness.

• Are you positive or pessimistic?
• Do you ever consider other people’s perspectives, or do you always insist on doing things in a particular way – your way?
• Are you able to maintain your composure in difficult situations?
• Are you patient?

You can better prepare yourself to be a husband or wife in the future by cultivating the fruit of God’s spirit in your life.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. – Galatians 5:22-23, NIV

Money and finances

Considering how you approach money and finances in your life is important. Surveys report that almost half of couples argue about money, so having a clear understanding of your ideas on the subject now can foster a healthier marriage in the future.

• How good are you at managing your finances?
• Do you typically carry a lot of debt?
• Can you hold down a job? If not, what is the reason? Is it because of the nature of the work? The business owner? Or is it because of a behavior or character flaw that needs to be improved on your part?
• What makes you think you’ll be able to handle the financial responsibilities of a family if you can’t even handle your own?

The Bible talks about money quite a bit. Consider spending some time studying what the Bible says and how you can apply it to your life.

Spirituality

Faith plays a role in our lives to varying degrees. Think about your faith and how you want to grow with someone else in faith.

• What are the spiritual qualities that you possess?
• Do you make an effort to read the Bible, serve in a ministry, and attend Christian gatherings where others do the same?

Whomever you choose to spend your life with deserves nothing less than a spiritually strong partner. When you have a deeper understanding of who you are, you will be better able to find a partner who will play to your strengths rather than your weaknesses.

What kind of life should you expect after marriage?

If you have the goal of getting married someday, how can you make sure that your romantic fantasy does not turn into a marriage that is fraught with problems? The reality is that the degree to which you enjoy your marriage is directly proportional to the expectations you bring into the relationship.

Expected benefits of marriage

The Bible presents a favorable perspective on the institution of marriage. “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.” (Proverbs 18:22, NIV) The following are some of the advantages that await you in marriage:

Companionship: According to the Bible, sometime after the first man, Adam, was created, God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him,” (Genesis 2:18, NIV) then He created Eve as Adam’s companion. Eve was created as a complement to Adam.

God endowed each of them with distinctive characteristics when he created them so that even though they are distinct, they can still work together. Therefore, a husband and wife are wonderful people to have around as companions for one another.

Partnership: The Bible teaches that two are better off than one because working together is more productive than working individually. (Ecclesiastes 4:9, NIV) When it comes to marriage, that is undoubtedly the case.

Intimacy: According to the Bible, “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.” (1 Corinthians 7:3, NIV) This applies in many areas, including intimacy. When you are married, you can enjoy having sex without the anxiety and regret that are so frequently the unfortunate outcomes of having sex before getting married.

God has given us the gift of marriage. If you adhere to His principles, you can anticipate that marriage will be a way of life that provides you with a substantial amount of joy and fulfillment.

Consider the following question: Is your perspective on marriage tainted by negative examples that you have seen, perhaps even in your own family? If this is the case, who are some positive role models in your life that you can look up to and aspire to be like?

Expect challenges

The Bible presents a view of marriage that is grounded in reality. The following are some of the obstacles that you should anticipate.

Conflict: No two people are exactly the same, save for the fact that they both have flaws. No matter how well-matched a husband and wife appear to be, disagreements are inevitable at some point in their relationship. Sometimes they will even say hurtful things that they will later come to regret having said.

According to the Bible, a person who never did anything wrong or said anything inappropriate would be perfect. Successful couples learn how to discuss and resolve their differences when they occur, as opposed to idealistically trying to avoid all conflicts in their relationship.

Disappointment: After getting married, a couple is almost certain to find additional flaws and peculiarities in one another that they were previously unaware of. This is because they are growing closer together, learning more about one another along the way.

The most important thing to keep in mind is that genuine love endures all things, including being let down. You may find someone who satisfies all of the things you long for. However, it is important to remember that people and their circumstances evolve.

Understanding who you are and what you are looking for in a partner is important before you determine whether you are ready for marriage. This can require time and thoughtful soul searching as well as addressing practical things like money management. This journey does not have to be done on your own.

Working through these things with people you love and trust can be helpful. That could mean working with a trusted friend or family member. In addition, or if talking to friends or family doesn’t feel like an option, a trained counselor can help you.

Spending time with a counselor will help you navigate these issues and more to ready yourself for the future relationship God has for you. This will help prepare you and help you deal with anything you need to as you determine whether you are ready for marriage.

The counselors at Frisco Christian Counseling in Texas will walk with you on this journey. Reach out today for help.