Childhood Emotional Neglect: Examples, Signs, and Treatment

In the Bible’s view, children are a gift and one of the ways the Lord shows His favor to people. One Psalm says,

Behold, children are a gift of the Lord,
The fruit of the womb is a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,
So are the children of one’s youth.
Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them;
They will not be ashamed
When they speak with their enemies in the gate – Psalm 127:3-5, NASB

These precious gifts come to us vulnerable and in need of nurture. It’s the responsibility of a parent or caregiver to provide a safe environment that allows that child to flourish and meet their full potential.

The unfortunate reality, however, is that not every parent or caregiver has the intention, capacity, resources, or skills to meet the needs of a child successfully. Childhood emotional neglect is a concern that affects many children when they are young, and its impact lasts into their adulthood.

Defining childhood emotional neglect

The picture that might be conjured when you hear the word ‘neglect’ in connection with children could be a dark one. You might picture neglect as starving or isolating a child from contact with other people by locking them up in a basement. Such actions, because they are intentionally disregarding the needs and well-being of a child, would be better classified as childhood emotional abuse. ‘Neglect’ primarily names the way a parent or caregiver fails to notice or act upon a child’s expressed needs.

Examples of childhood emotional neglect

A parent who meets the physical needs of a child can be emotionally neglectful if they don’t meet the emotional needs of that child. Some of the examples of childhood emotional neglect include:

• Brushing off a child’s feelings as unimportant or exaggerated.
• Not listening when a child expresses a need.
• Isolating the child from peers.
• Not providing support or help when a child asks for it.
• Exposing the child to domestic violence or substance abuse.
• Not seeking treatment for the child’s emotional problems.
• Not talking to the child or spending time with them.
• A lack of interest in the child’s activities.
• Being verbally aggressive or shouting at the child.
• Not giving any encouragement or support when the child doesn’t succeed at a task.
• Not expressing affection toward the child.
• Persistently finding fault with the child, or even blaming them for your problems.

Sometimes, even great parents can fail to meet the emotional needs of a child. A busy day at work and high levels of stress can make a parent/caregiver less than responsive to the child’s expressed and other needs. The problem with childhood emotional neglect happens when the child’s needs are consistently ignored or otherwise not met.

Signs of childhood emotional neglect

If you fail to water a plant or you don’t give it enough sun, it’ll show in the plant withering and not thriving. With children, though they can be hardy, they are also vulnerable and fragile. One’s emotional needs are an important part of who they are, and they are vital for one’s overall well-being. Some of the signs that a child’s emotional needs are being neglected include the following:

• Low self-esteem.
• Mental health challenges such as depression and anxiety.
• Apathy.
• A failure to flourish.
• Withdrawing from friends and activities or avoiding interactions with other children.
• Being hyperactive and having attention problems.
• Being aggressive, impulsive, and disruptive.
• Language and physical developmental delays.
• Poor relationships with peers.
• Substance misuse.
• Appearing uncaring or indifferent.
• Avoiding being emotionally close or intimate with others.
• Anger toward their parent or caregiver.

Childhood neglect means that a child’s emotional needs are not validated. When that child grows up, many of the consequences of their neglect as children will carry over to other relationships, including their relationship with their own children. An adult who suffered childhood emotional neglect will often struggle to express their emotions and won’t know how to effectively handle the emotions of others.

Addressing the issue

Childhood emotional neglect can be addressed, whether while they are still children, or when the person has grown up. A child who has been neglected can learn, through interventions such as counseling, to value and express their emotions and needs. They can move beyond suppressing their emotions to being able to recognize and articulate them effectively.

Counseling can also help a child cope with the effects of neglect, such as how it affects their relationships or life at school. Family counseling can help the parents understand how they are affecting the child and equip them to meet those needs well by correcting unhelpful behaviors. Parents can also be taught how to recognize, pay attention to, and respond effectively to a child’s felt and expressed needs.