How to Build a Robust Family Support System

A healthy family support system is characterized by family members and friends that you and your family enjoy a positive affirming relationship with. These are the people who cheer you in tough times, lend you their strength at the oars when yours is fading, and coach and advise you across tough, challenging milestones.

Strong, constant relationships characterize a healthy family support system, and are something from which you derive benefit, and give benefit to the lives of other families.

While building this robust family support system will be a constant journey, it may also be a challenge. Some parents have the benefit of being exposed to this type of support system as they grew up and had the benefit of being trained in how it is done simply by growing up surrounded by one.

But for others, it is a new thing that will take some doing. While it looks different for every family, a wider network of strong, healthy relationships is extremely valuable.

Some families have huge networks of extended family, others may just have friends or coworkers that characterize theirs. Each family support network is unique, suited to that family and proactively designed by the parents to help the family thrive.

Ways to build a robust family support system

For those starting from scratch or wanting to strengthen the one that they already have, these five steps will give you some guidance, ideas, and perspective as you continue.

Love others well.

Like the playground rule your parents told you, be the friend you want to have, the same applies – be the support that you are seeking. As Dr. Henry Cloud teaches on boundaries, we teach people how to treat us. As we are looking for a family support system show the support you are looking for by giving the same: in-person time, sweat, and possibly tears.

It is always a good idea to start with those who you love and trust the most. Encourage them in goals that are healthy for them and keep sharing life with them in the good times and the bad times. In your times of Bible reading and prayer each day, put aside several minutes to reflect on the role that you fulfill to those within your family support network and use habits to keep you on track.

It could be scheduling a regular jog with a friend going through a divorce, a babysitting exchange to ensure date night happens at least once a fortnight, or perhaps it will be leaving a voice note to encourage someone. Show love to these special people in your life to the same degree that you would like them to show love to you.

Build quality friendships.

Take your circle of relationships to a deeper level. We are often frenetically busy, and despite our best intention establishing a family support system with people we do not have a lot of history with is not always possible. So, consider the people that you already love and trust most, and look at ways to deepen these relationships.

Based on your current relationship you will know if they, or you, are willing to have a more transparent and meaningful relationship with them. If you consider the types of things that they say, are they edifying, and do they have a positive interest in you and your family?

You can then start to informally include them more and more into your life or come out and explain to them that you are hoping to be more of a source of loving support to them by extending your family support network to include them.

Reach out to a wider circle.

There are often other people beyond our family that will fit into your family support system, such as coworkers, neighbors, and others that you see often. These close friends can provide additional safe spaces for your children, provide wisdom and give you guidance in your parenting journey. By adding people already present in your daily life you do not add anything extra to your schedule.

If you have children in school consider formalizing the idea that the school organization can be included in this same support system – your child already spends a significant part of their day at school, so the organization is playing this role, albeit informally. Like you, they invest in your family and have the best in mind for your children.

As a parent, you can and should ask them questions as they arise, especially when it comes to topics about educating and raising your children. Ask questions that will invite feedback on behavior, your communication style, and any other aspect that you can work on at home.

It is always a good idea to get involved in the activities provided at the school and maintain positive relationships with others who are involved there – the teachers, principal, and parents.

Reduce negativity.

Work hard to remove the opportunity for anyone to be pessimistic about you or your family. Make sure you filter who is included in the group to only have people who speak life and hope, encouragement, and joy. You want people to contribute to the world, not to those who want to deride and undermine others.

It is possible to be cordial to people close to you from a family or proximity viewpoint but without inviting them inside your family support system. If you are hosting a barbeque, do not feel any pressure to not invite a negative person.

Why bring a toxic person into your precious family support network? Rather, if the topic of them not being invited arises, say that you are going to keep the invite list small to keep your stress levels low.

Be intentional.

Being more intentional about your relationships in the short and long term will bear much fruit for your family and close relationships further on in life. Be open and genuine with those you love and trust about how they can help support you and your family.

By this time next year, you can expect your family to have greater success by surrounding it with people you love and respect. Initially, you wonder how this will happen but by taking simple steps like having an open conversation with someone you want in your support system. During the next year be aware that some groups and individuals can play a role in supporting your family’s support system.

5 ways to build a support system

Here are five practical ways you can build a support system and make your family support circle bigger.

Show you care.

Sharing your appreciation of others in the group, like when a family member does something impressive at home, at school, or work, let them know that you know. The trick to expressing gratitude is sincerity, which will shine through a simple note or extravagant present. Experts say that expressing appreciation is a great way to strengthen family relationships. Verbally complementing one another face-to-face is one of the best ways to build relationships.

Prioritize quality family time.

There are as many opportunities and reasons to spend time with your family as you can imagine. Experts agree mealtimes are important but suggest that the time is seen as quality time and not simply quantity time. This could be joining in with someone’s hobbies and participating with your full attention. Remember to turn off your phone.

Practice healthy communication.

Experts say that the more you express your unwavering support for children, the more comfortable they will be to bring their questions, problems, and triumphs of the day. Make sure to practice emotionally safe and direct communication so that they know of your love and support for them.

Develop strong problem-solving skills.

How can parents display behavior to their children that they would want them to mimic as they grow up? A child will learn from their parents how to interact with the world around them, and how to handle challenges and opportunities.

Hold each person accountable.

Families that support and love one another also do not accept poor, destructive behavior. Yes, they will support family members in their struggles, but everyone is held accountable for their behavior, and the commitments they have made. Part of having a strong family is being able to rely on others but unreliability undermines this.

Christian family counseling

If you’re looking for additional help to establish family support measures beyond this article, please browse our online counselor directory or contact our office at Frisco Christian Counseling in Texas to schedule an appointment. We would be honored to walk with you on this journey.