How to Control Your Anger (and Why It Matters)

Have people asked you to control your anger? Does it feel like anger is controlling you? You can learn how to control your anger with God’s help and the assistance of a Christian counselor.

The Deep Roots of Anger

Many of us never learned how to control our anger in healthy ways. You may have grown up in a home where people exploded with anger. Perhaps your parents handled anger by sweeping it under the rug and never discussing it. Maybe your family let anger leak out slowly through passive aggression. None of these methods of anger management are healthy, but they are all too common.

To get control over your anger, it’s important to deal with its deep roots. You have learned how to handle it through decades of conditioning in ways you may not even realize. But by learning to recognize the roots of your anger, you can dig them up and let them no longer influence your thoughts and actions.

A qualified Christian counselor can help you learn new methods of thinking and behaving when you feel angry. Your counselor will offer a neutral, objective perspective to help you discover the roots of your anger and change your reactions.

Why Controlling Your Anger Matters

It’s likely you already know the price your anger exacts on your relationships. Whether you explode, seethe, or sulk when angry, you have probably noticed distance in your relationships when you act that way. You may be seeking help because your anger has caused strain or severe damage to relationships.

However, when you learn to control your anger, you have hope for repairing your damaged relationships. Anger doesn’t only cost other people something. It costs you a bundle too. Anger exacts a toll on your emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual well-being.

Physically, anger may keep you from sleeping well. It can cause you to have high blood pressure, rapid heartbeat, weight gain, digestive issues, and skin problems. It may also increase your risk of serious health problems like heart disease or stroke. These are just a few ways anger affects your physical body.

Mentally, you may have trouble concentrating. You may have obsessive thoughts linked to anger, which cost you peace of mind. Emotionally, you may not be able to empathize with others due to your anger, and you may act out in ways that cause shame and sorrow. Your untreated anger can turn into depression.

Spiritually, anger can cause distance between you and God. Though God gives us anger as a healthy warning signal against hurt, fear, frustration, and injustice, we often let it get in the way of our relationship with him. When we act sinfully due to our anger, we may deal with guilt in our relationship with God. Sometimes we may even unfairly blame God for what makes us angry.

The good news is that a Christian counselor can help you manage how your anger impacts your mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health. You can receive healing in all these areas when you open up to a trustworthy counselor.

5 Ways to Control Your Anger Issues

You can take practical steps to control your anger. These five tips will help you get a handle on it.

Look at how God handles anger.

Pause right here and think about all the justified reasons God could be angry if you if his grace didn’t cover your sins. Probably a bunch of sins just popped into your mind, because we are all sinful by nature. Yet God chooses to love and forgive you instead of being angry with you.

The Bible says God is slow to anger, though he has many reasons to be angry with us due to his holiness and our constant sins. He is patient and forgiving, letting us have space to grow and learn as his disciples. You can follow God’s example of being slow to anger by letting little things go, carefully choosing your battles, and trusting God to handle it all.

Bible verses on self-control will help you stay on track when you’re angry. You can memorize them and meditate on them to practice the self-control God models for us. By hiding his Word in your heart, you’ll be prepared when you feel angry.

Cultivate patience.

Many of us get angry when we are frustrated. We live in a fast-paced world that demands so much. It’s easy to get frustrated when we don’t immediately receive what we want. But patience will help you be slower to push the anger button.

When a frustrating situation occurs, change your view to see it as an opportunity to grow in patience. Talk to God in prayer, asking him to cultivate patience in you, which is a fruit of the Holy Spirit (Gal. 5:22-23). Pray also for the people or situation causing your frustration, which will help you get outside of your head. This approach is active rather than reactive and will bring you peace.

Show empathy.

Most of us clash with others in anger because we did not grow up with the same anger style at home. For example, an explosive wife may clash with her sweep-it-under-the-rug husband. This situation is played out in families, at work, at school, in churches, in civic groups, and more. The more you can empathize with the other person, the less angry you will be with their different approach.

You can say, “I know that my anger style is different from yours. But let’s work on this together. How can we neutrally talk about this issue?” By leading with empathy, you can open a discussion with the other person, who may be more open to hearing your point of view.

Be careful with confrontation.

Confrontation is often necessary in difficult relationships. It can be a healthy way to restore peace. But if confrontation is handled the wrong way, it can cause serious damage. You can be coached in confrontation by a Christian counselor.

Your counselor will role play with you to work out any issues in your approach. You can learn to avoid triggers and show greater respect during a confrontation by practicing with your counselor before you ever confront.

Take the initiative in the heat of the moment.

When heated moments arise, you need a plan in place so you can respond rather than react. There are several healthy ways to handle your anger.

First, you can step away from the situation, telling the person you need a quick break. You can take deep breaths and count to twenty. A short walk or series of jumping jacks can release some physical energy. Punching a pillow or screaming into it can also release anger.

You also need to control your words. Do not say the first thing that comes into your mind, which will likely be reactive. You can also use short, non-committal responses like “maybe so” “I’ll think about it” or “that’s interesting,” depending on the situation. The less you use the word “you” in your response, the less defensive the other person will be. Stick to “I” statements as much as possible.

If you deal with ongoing situations of anger, such as with an addict or person with dementia, you need to take preventive steps of self-care. By treating yourself well with daily kindness, you’ll be stronger to face the constant temptations to react in anger. Engage in activities that bring you happiness, like coloring, taking baths, reading, or watching your favorite TV show. These intentional activities are important to help you avoid constantly feeling angry.

Control Your Anger Issues

If you have anger issues, you aren’t alone. Many people have never learned how to control their anger. But that doesn’t mean it’s too late to make changes that can heal you and your relationships.

A compassionate Christian counselor is ready to help you learn how to stop letting anger control you and start managing your anger triggers. Reach out to us today to learn more about how God can help you gain control over your anger.