What Codependence Feels Like

Codependence can be crippling to friendships and relationships, but what is it, and how do you know if you are experiencing it? It’s not always apparent. People might spend years in a codependent relationship without either party realizing it. Rather than explain what codependence is, it might be more helpful to describe what codependence feels like.

The Problem with Codependence

Codependence is a dynamic in a relationship where two people have become entirely reliant on each other in a practical, emotional, and psychological way. It often takes the form of one member being a constant “victim” while the other person becomes a “rescuer.” This dynamic can feel safe and even wholesome at times, but it fosters complex trauma and prevents both people from finding independence and freedom.

The imbalanced dynamic also means that one person becomes indebted to the other in complicated ways. For example, the rescuer in codependent dynamics is often narcissistic, dictating how the victim should behave. The victim is often a people-pleaser and eager to bend over backward for the sake of the rescuer. Each instance of codependence is unique, and it can be complicated to understand and confront. Frisco Christian Counseling can help you navigate these dynamics and work toward healthier relationships.

What Codependence Feels Like

The first step in healing from codependence is recognizing it. People in codependent relationships might not know what codependence is, but they might begin to feel unwell or concerned about the relationship. Some people understand themselves the best through their feelings, and so this is what codependency often feels like.

Needing constant validation or affirmation

Even though you might have been in the relationship for a long time, you never feel fully secure in it. You are constantly worried that you might somehow cause the end of the relationship.

Walking on eggshells

The insecurity and anxiety you feel over the relationship causes you to be careful of how you phrase things and cautious about what you communicate. You put a lot of effort into keeping them happy.

Experiencing other people’s boundaries as abandonment

Something as simple and natural as them saying that they need space, don’t want to meet as planned, or don’t want to talk about a significant event can make you feel rejected or abandoned by them. You almost certainly feel like you are to blame for moments like these, even though they are natural boundaries.

Always apologizing

You almost always feel as if you are to blame for things going wrong. You likely take the blame for everything, even the things that are not your fault.

Forgetting or not knowing your preferences

You spend so much of your resources, both emotional and practical, on the other person in the relationship that you have little to spare for yourself. Putting yourself last every time means that you don’t know yourself and have no idea how to make yourself happy.

Abandoning yourself as you focus on others

The result of codependency is always that both parties end up abandoning themselves as they try to get what they need from the other.

Healing and Help: Relationship Counseling in Frisco, Texas

Healing from codependence isn’t easy and can take years to see through, but it is possible. Counseling or talk therapy in Frisco, Texas can help you create healthy relationships without codependence. If you recognize a need for help and are ready to get started, contact our office today at Frisco Christian Counseling. We will create an appointment with one of the Christian counselors in Frisco who might be a good fit for you. Begin the healing process by taking the next step.