Codependency

Who are you? How do you define yourself? Are you introspective, extroverted, self-aware, or a learner? Or do you tend to define yourself based on what you are to other people? We indeed live in tandem with other people. We play important roles in others' lives, such as mother, father, sibling, best friend, teacher, boss, etc. There is nothing wrong with having these roles and excelling at them; however, if you have come to a place where you are not able to see yourself apart from a particular relationship, you may be in danger of crossing the line from healthy relationship into codependence. What is codependency? Think for a moment about the movie The Devil Wears Prada. If you are not familiar with this movie, it is about a young journalist named Andy who lives in New York City and has landed a job at Runway magazine, the top fashion magazine in the world. Andy is not at all interested in fashion, but working for the editor and chief of Runway, Miranda, will allow you to get your foot in the door with about any other publication company in the city. So, for Andy, this is the career opportunity of a lifetime. As she begins her job, Andy stands out for all the wrong reasons and clearly does not fit in. And working for Miranda is the kind of job where you must be all in. So, you see Andy adapt and change through a fashion makeover, becoming committed 24 hours a day to Miranda, attending Paris week, betraying a coworker, and failing at every other relationship in her life. In the second half of the movie, you see Andy’s personal life fall apart. At one time, her boyfriend lets his frustrations toward the commitment that she has to [...]

Codependence can be crippling to friendships and relationships, but what is it, and how do you know if you are experiencing it? It’s not always apparent. People might spend years in a codependent relationship without either party realizing it. Rather than explain what codependence is, it might be more helpful to describe what codependence feels like. The Problem with Codependence Codependence is a dynamic in a relationship where two people have become entirely reliant on each other in a practical, emotional, and psychological way. It often takes the form of one member being a constant “victim” while the other person becomes a “rescuer.” This dynamic can feel safe and even wholesome at times, but it fosters complex trauma and prevents both people from finding independence and freedom. The imbalanced dynamic also means that one person becomes indebted to the other in complicated ways. For example, the rescuer in codependent dynamics is often narcissistic, dictating how the victim should behave. The victim is often a people-pleaser and eager to bend over backward for the sake of the rescuer. Each instance of codependence is unique, and it can be complicated to understand and confront. Frisco Christian Counseling can help you navigate these dynamics and work toward healthier relationships. What Codependence Feels Like The first step in healing from codependence is recognizing it. People in codependent relationships might not know what codependence is, but they might begin to feel unwell or concerned about the relationship. Some people understand themselves the best through their feelings, and so this is what codependency often feels like. Needing constant validation or affirmation Even though you might have been in the relationship for a long time, you never feel fully secure in it. You are constantly worried that you might somehow cause the end of the relationship. [...]