Identifying Parental Codependency

Early childhood attachment issues typically lead to a person becoming a parent who has an intense need for a child to keep them in their life even after they are an adult. This is known as parental codependency, and it can be exhausting for the child as well as the parent.

Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. – Philippians 2:4, ESV

Why does a parent become codependent?

Most parents who become codependent have experienced a childhood filled with dysfunction. They have been exposed to an environment with high expectations and severe discipline when those expectations were not met.

The causes of parental codependency can arise from the following factors:

Past trauma There are cases where codependent parents have trauma that has not been resolved. They may carry emotional wounds from childhood that cause them to seek acceptance from their child constantly.

Lack of boundaries The presence of healthy boundaries is foundational for everyone. A parent with codependency issues finds it challenging to have clearly defined boundaries.

Low self-esteem Codependency frequently stems from low self-esteem. Parents who have experienced low self-esteem as children tend to need the approval of their children to feel validated.

Fear of being abandoned A major factor in codependency is the fear of abandonment. As a child becomes more independent, the parent may feel like they are being forgotten or left alone.

Role perception The normal expectations of parents in society can create extra pressure for a codependent parent. A parent who has been taught that they are the source of support and identity for their child, will often struggle with defining themselves in their child’s achievements.

How to Recognize Parental Codependency

Understanding parental codependency is vital to recognizing the symptoms. The symptoms may seem as though they are normal behaviors of care and concern, but it becomes apparent that there is an unhealthy level of reliance on the child.

Control issues Some codependent parents find themselves micromanaging their child’s life choices and activities even though they are adults. These parents believe their parental abilities are reflected in the child’s choices.

Consistent sacrifice It’s normal for a parent to make sacrifices for their children. However, those parents who are codependent often go to extremes to make sure their child’s needs are met.

Emotional fusion This is noted when the parent’s emotional well-being becomes tied to the emotional state of the child.

Relationship neglect Most parents with codependency issues will sacrifice all other relationships. They will place their child above others which eventually leads to isolation from the support they need.

Unable to say no Codependent parents have an issue with boundaries which leads to having difficulties saying no to their child.

Help For Parents With Codependency

Helping codependent parents heal from the issues that have caused codependency starts with acknowledging that there is a codependency problem. Through self-awareness and self-care, a parent can create successful strategies for breaking the cycle of codependency.

A few important first steps are:

• Step back and allow the child to experience life on their terms.
• Practice self-care by meeting your needs without the child’s input
• Take time to pursue your interests

Finding Support in Frisco, Texas

Parental codependency is a learned behavior that begins in childhood. The parent may not even realize they are codependent until someone takes time to discuss the behavior and its symptoms. Through faith-based Christian counseling in Frisco, Texas, a parent can learn strategies to help with overcoming parental codependency. To schedule an appointment with one of the counselors in Frisco, contact us today at Texas Christian Counseling, Frisco.