Kate Motaung, Author at Frisco Christian Counseling

About Kate Motaung

Kate Motaung is the Senior Writer, Editor, and Content Manager for a multi-state company. She is the author of several books including Letters to Grief, 101 Prayers for Comfort in Difficult Times, and A Place to Land: A Story of Longing and Belonging. Kate is also the host of Five Minute Friday, an online writing community that equips and encourages Christian writers, and the owner of Refine Services, a company that offers editing services. She and her South African husband have three young adult children and currently live in West Michigan. Find Kate’s books at katemotaung.com/books.

Helpful Tips for Recovering From Codependency

Helpful Tips for Recovering From Codependency

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T12:07:11+00:00October 17th, 2024|Codependency, Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

We are deeply relational and social creatures, which means that we are at our best when we are in healthy relationships with others. It’s truly said that no person is an island. We’re all caught up in a web of relationships in which we rely on others and others rely on us. The difficulty comes when that healthy reliance and dependence becomes something else. Codependency is one way to have an unhealthy reliance on others, and recovering from codependency can be complicated. Signs of a codependent relationship The term “codependency” describes a situation where a person’s sense of self isn’t well developed, and they rely too much on others for their identity. A codependent person defines themselves by the likes and acceptance of others. This means that they don’t have a stable sense of self rooted in something deeper than their present circumstances. Codependency happens for many different reasons, including dysfunctional family dynamics, social or cultural expectations, attachment issues, or unresolved childhood trauma. There are a few common signs that indicate codependency, and these include the following that you can look out for in your life: Having difficulty setting and maintaining healthy boundaries Codependent people struggle to say “No” or to set limits with others. This inability to set limits, coupled with often prioritizing the needs of others, will lead to feelings of resentment, burnout, or emotional exhaustion. Excessive reliance on others If your emotions rely excessively on others, that could be a sign of codependency. This might look like having a strong need for constant validation, reassurance, or emotional support from others, often at the expense of your own emotional well-being. Loss of personal identity If you feel like you have lost your sense of autonomy, or that you’ve lost touch with your interests, values, or goals, and [...]

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Exercise and Mental Health: Benefits of Self-Care

Exercise and Mental Health: Benefits of Self-Care

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T12:07:17+00:00August 5th, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

There’s a kind of rush and sense of euphoria that comes from getting your body moving. You could be dancing, running, roller-skating, doing parkour, cycling, lifting weights, or playing a game of pickleball, but when you get moving, it feels good. We are “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14, ESV), and our bodies, minds, and emotions work together in connected and often complicated ways, meaning that mental health is important. Mental health and you When you’re not doing alright in one area of your life, that can have an impact on other areas. If your mental health suffers, for instance, that affects your ability to work, play, and have meaningful interactions with others. According to the World Health Organization, mental wellness is about being able to cope with the stresses of life, realize your abilities, learn well and work well, and contribute meaningfully to your community. Good mental health allows you to build relationships with others, and make decisions that affect your environment. Many issues can affect a person, and these include factors that aren’t in their control, like genetics, experiences of trauma, or the environment that one is in. There are different ways a person’s mental health can be affected, and the effects can range from mild to severe. There’s a lot of public education that’s still needed regarding mental health, and a good deal of that can be directed at building awareness that mental health issues are common, and there’s no shame in seeking help. Depending on the issue, sometimes taking simple self-help measures will set things right, but in other cases, the intervention of a mental health professional and treatment that includes medication may be required. Some signs of poor mental health When a person is affected negatively by one thing or another, it affects them [...]

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Advice for Men: Maintaining a Good Relationship With Your Parents

Advice for Men: Maintaining a Good Relationship With Your Parents

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T12:07:26+00:00July 1st, 2024|Coaching, Family Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Relationship Issues|

As we get older, most of us become more independent of our parents. That might look like going out of state for college or work, entering a serious relationship, and moving across the country or another. It might mean getting a job to provide for yourself, and it may also mean making choices such as taking up our parents’ faith as our own and believing it for ourselves. Whatever growing up may look like for you, most parents are pleased when their child takes their steps into the world and begins managing life on their own. One unfortunate reality that parents and their children often deal with is that their relationship doesn’t survive the distance or the conflicts that arise throughout the years. This makes it even more important to know how to have good relationships with your parents over the long haul. Why parent-child relationships matter Parents play a significant role in how their child grows and develops as a person. Our parents teach us our values and cultivate self-acceptance, self-awareness, and emotional intelligence. Our parents are part of our earliest and likely most influential memories, and it’s from them that children learn wisdom, get comfort, and guidance, learn coping skills, and communication skills, and get practical help. When we get older, our parents are a reservoir and pass on family traditions, cultural heritage, and stories about our family that can’t be Googled or found elsewhere. Parents also provide emotional support for children of any age, and as a child gets older they can also support their parents. While one’s relationship with their parents changes over time, they can continue to be a source of wisdom and valuable life experiences. Honoring your father and mother doesn’t look the same as you get older and as the parent-child dynamic [...]

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Hit the Target: Overcoming Insecurity in the Goal Setting and Personal Development Journey

Hit the Target: Overcoming Insecurity in the Goal Setting and Personal Development Journey

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T12:07:35+00:00June 5th, 2024|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

Seeing little to no significant change can be frustrating and demoralizing when we reflect upon goals we’ve set but haven’t seen come to fruition. Despite efforts, we can find ourselves discouraged by the gap between what we envisioned with God in one season and our current state, which can produce insecurity and hinder our personal development. Sometimes, we look to nearby distractions such as social media, which floods thoughts and timelines with messages about what we don’t have. In response, we shift focus onto lack instead of the abundance of Who is with us. Sometimes we connect more with the lies and inconsistencies in our reels and feeds than we do with Jesus’ unchanging nature (Hebrews 13:8). We are often more convinced about our inadequacy than in the abundant and all-encompassing God. We believe in the lie of not being, doing, or having enough. Whether trait or talent, we limit our view of who we are and what we are capable of. We misplace hope, pining for things to fill the blanks lodged in our souls. Instead of fostering inspiration to meet our goals and grow in personal development, an insecure and incomplete view of self breeds discontent, discord, and discouragement. Conquering discontentment There will be times when discontent creeps in and attempts to settle within. We can stem the tide, diverting the waves of ingratitude that erode steadfastness and joy. Giving thanks, even along our personal development journey softens our hearts. It makes us ready to respond to the Holy Spirit’s wisdom and ideas that aid us in building what the Father wants to be established on earth. A grateful heart helps us to remain teachable and humble enough to learn, yet patient enough to mentor others with what He’s planted within. Navigating discord Insecurity is based on [...]

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7 Tips for Building Self-esteem

7 Tips for Building Self-esteem

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T12:07:45+00:00May 30th, 2024|Abandonment and Neglect, Aging and Geriatric Issues, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Spiritual Development, Trauma|

Multi-billion-dollar industries have been built around the topic of how to get a good self-image or self-esteem and for good reason. How we think about ourselves has a huge impact on the type of life we live including the opportunities we pursue, the quality of the relationships we have, and our overall mental well-being. Individuals with healthy self-esteem tend to enjoy better interactions with people and are less knocked by challenges life throws at them. Those with poor self-esteem struggle and are more likely to develop depression or anxiety or use self-destructive behaviors to try and regulate their underlying feelings. Building self-esteem is also popular because, as people living in a fallen world, we tend to feel broken in some way. This is either a result of childhood trauma, imposed on us, unpleasant experiences during our growing up years (being on the receiving end of bullying at school, for instance), or simply because, on this side of heaven, we will always sense that we are not quite whole. We often try to do everything we can to feel right. Improvement and progress in this area are important. It is liberating, however, to realize that everyone experiences some sort of challenge in this area. The foundational truth which lies at the heart of building self-esteem is a deep understanding of the biblical doctrine of creation. Every person is infinitely valuable because God made them, and we were made in His own image (Genesis 1:27). In ways we can not fully explain, we are like God and can therefore enjoy a relationship with Him. More than that, He has made you with a special purpose in mind, “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God created beforehand that we should walk in them.” (Ephesians 2:10, ESV) [...]

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Childhood Emotional Neglect: Examples, Signs, and Treatment

Childhood Emotional Neglect: Examples, Signs, and Treatment

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T12:07:51+00:00March 28th, 2024|Abandonment and Neglect, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

In the Bible’s view, children are a gift and one of the ways the Lord shows His favor to people. One Psalm says, Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; They will not be ashamed When they speak with their enemies in the gate – Psalm 127:3-5, NASB These precious gifts come to us vulnerable and in need of nurture. It’s the responsibility of a parent or caregiver to provide a safe environment that allows that child to flourish and meet their full potential. The unfortunate reality, however, is that not every parent or caregiver has the intention, capacity, resources, or skills to meet the needs of a child successfully. Childhood emotional neglect is a concern that affects many children when they are young, and its impact lasts into their adulthood. Defining childhood emotional neglect The picture that might be conjured when you hear the word ‘neglect’ in connection with children could be a dark one. You might picture neglect as starving or isolating a child from contact with other people by locking them up in a basement. Such actions, because they are intentionally disregarding the needs and well-being of a child, would be better classified as childhood emotional abuse. ‘Neglect’ primarily names the way a parent or caregiver fails to notice or act upon a child’s expressed needs. Examples of childhood emotional neglect A parent who meets the physical needs of a child can be emotionally neglectful if they don’t meet the emotional needs of that child. Some of the examples of childhood emotional neglect include: Brushing off a child’s feelings as unimportant or exaggerated. Not listening when a child expresses [...]

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Could You Benefit From Couples Therapy?

Could You Benefit From Couples Therapy?

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T12:07:59+00:00September 20th, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Premarital Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Every relationship has its points of stress, those areas that tend to generate friction and conflict between the couple. Even the happiest couples that have been together for a long time will have fights. Whether you are happy, or you find yourself at a crossroads in your relationship, couples therapy just might be what you need. What is couples therapy? Couples therapy is a form of psychotherapy directed at couples, whether married or in a long-term relationship. Through a variety of techniques, your therapist will get to know you both. In your sessions together, you’ll unpack whatever is happening in your relationship, and your therapist will provide you with the space you need to explore your thoughts and feelings about where you are in your relationship. Couples therapy is aimed at helping couples develop a deeper appreciation of their relationship, cultivating better communication to reduce conflict, and teaching the couple skills that will help their relationship flourish. These skills may include problem-solving, goal-setting, conflict resolution, nurturing intimacy and trust, and better communication. Some of the issues and concerns that couples therapy will address include the following: Constant conflict. Poor communication. Lack of intimacy in the relationship and growing apart from each other. Grief and loss, including the loss of a child through miscarriage, or an inability to conceive. Mental health concerns for one or both of you, including anxiety, depression, or bipolar disorder. Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries in and around your relationship. Loss of trust due to emotional or sexual infidelity . Financial concerns, including job loss. Amicably handling differences in your faith commitments or political outlook. Goal setting. Divorce . Resentment or anger toward one another. Anger issues. Issues of abuse such as emotional abuse and domestic violence. Substance abuse and addiction. Major life adjustments, such as [...]

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Partners on the Path: Encouragement for Overcoming Loneliness

Partners on the Path: Encouragement for Overcoming Loneliness

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T12:08:07+00:00August 24th, 2023|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Relationship Issues|

God created humanity to live in fellowship with Him, but also with one another. When we are missing connection and meaning in relationships, our lives may feel incomplete. Loneliness isn’t only about the absence of people in one’s life, but rather the absence of connection. This is why overcoming loneliness is so important. It is possible to have others around us, to be in relationships that appear to thrive on the surface, yet feel woefully alone. It is our awareness of feeling distanced from God, others, and ourselves in what we identify as significant that produces feelings of loneliness. Adding more people isn’t necessarily the remedy, but a shift in perspective can place us on a more fulfilling path. Our fragmented parts have value to Jesus, contrary to how the world esteems us when we are not quite at our best. It is in these cracked places, where the Lord binds Himself to us and we fuse to Him. This is often when we don’t have all the people or support that we want to have (2 Corinthians 12:9). We can experience the oneness of mutual abiding that the Savior prayed about in Gethsemane, right before going to the Cross on our behalf. He was fully aware that we would encounter many moments in our lives when we would feel the sting of loneliness. He was familiar, having gone to His inner circle, pleading for them to pray with Him in the garden and on the cross when He cried out in agony to His Father. Knowing this, Jesus stood in the gap and made up the hedge, in His intercession for us, praying for the Father to keep us and make us one (Ezekiel 22:30; John 17:20-23). He intervened as the Worthy Lamb who was slain before the [...]

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How to Build a Robust Family Support System

How to Build a Robust Family Support System

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T12:08:14+00:00August 7th, 2023|Family Counseling, Featured, Relationship Issues|

A healthy family support system is characterized by family members and friends that you and your family enjoy a positive affirming relationship with. These are the people who cheer you in tough times, lend you their strength at the oars when yours is fading, and coach and advise you across tough, challenging milestones. Strong, constant relationships characterize a healthy family support system, and are something from which you derive benefit, and give benefit to the lives of other families. While building this robust family support system will be a constant journey, it may also be a challenge. Some parents have the benefit of being exposed to this type of support system as they grew up and had the benefit of being trained in how it is done simply by growing up surrounded by one. But for others, it is a new thing that will take some doing. While it looks different for every family, a wider network of strong, healthy relationships is extremely valuable. Some families have huge networks of extended family, others may just have friends or coworkers that characterize theirs. Each family support network is unique, suited to that family and proactively designed by the parents to help the family thrive. Ways to build a robust family support system For those starting from scratch or wanting to strengthen the one that they already have, these five steps will give you some guidance, ideas, and perspective as you continue. Love others well. Like the playground rule your parents told you, be the friend you want to have, the same applies – be the support that you are seeking. As Dr. Henry Cloud teaches on boundaries, we teach people how to treat us. As we are looking for a family support system show the support you are looking for [...]

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How to Nurture a Positive Body Image

How to Nurture a Positive Body Image

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T12:08:20+00:00June 9th, 2023|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

Of all the people you live with and encounter daily, there isn’t anyone who you need to put up with as much as yourself. You are constantly with yourself, experiencing the various sensations of bodily existence such as the sun on your skin, how laughter wells up within you, or the feeling of a satisfying meal in your belly. A healthy or positive body image is essential for enjoying yourself and appreciating what your body can do. What is body image? The term ‘body image’ refers to how you perceive your physical appearance. That relates to your skin, hair, weight, height, facial appearance, and any other physical characteristic of your body. This perception of yourself is influenced by the interaction of several complex factors such as your thoughts about your body, the messages you received about your body while growing up, and how the culture you’re in represents bodies and perceives beauty. When you have a positive body image, you are satisfied with your body and accept as well as appreciate it. On the other hand, a negative body image is when you’re not happy with your body and dislike one or more attributes about yourself. A positive body image may look like seeing yourself as you are most of the time, as well as accepting your body and feeling comfortable in it even when it may depart from broader societal beauty standards. Having a positive body image doesn’t mean you always feel good about yourself or that you’re happy with every part of your body. It does mean that on most days you are happy and feel confident about how you look, and you appreciate what your body can do more than you lament what you can’t do. Nurturing a positive view of your body. A person can have [...]

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Kate Motaung

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