Individual Counseling Archives | Frisco Christian Counseling

Signs of an Emotionally Unavailable Partner

Signs of an Emotionally Unavailable Partner

Kate Motaung2025-01-25T04:21:37+00:00January 17th, 2025|Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

The healthiest relationships draw out the best in people. They are based on qualities such as mutual respect, honesty, willingness to compromise, and vulnerability. Without these, it’s hard to form the bonds that give the depth and connectedness needed to make relationships meaningful. These qualities are what create emotional availability in a person for the sake of their relationships. Where these are lacking, it can make a person emotionally unavailable. If you’re in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable person, the relationship can feel stagnant, surface-deep, and frustrating. It’s helpful to know the signs of emotional unavailability to make any needed adjustments in the relationship and how you relate to each other. Defining Emotional Unavailability A relationship functions best when it is a two-way street. Healthy relationships contain a good dose of give and take between the parties. While it’s never exactly fifty-fifty, the people in the relationship support each other and show up for each other in meaningful ways. They are aware of and take steps to care for each other’s needs. Likewise, they can share what they are feeling with one another. An emotionally unavailable person will struggle with these elements of a relationship. They routinely won’t show up for their partner, and struggle to reciprocate by being aware of, prioritizing, valuing, or respecting the needs of their partner. They may come across as cold or detached, though that’s not always the case. Being emotionally unavailable is rooted in childhood or life experiences. If a person is going through a tough season or issue like depression, or if they are pouring their focus into helping a loved one who’s struggling, or whose energy is being consumed by furthering their career, they may temporarily be emotionally unavailable. Emotional unavailability may also occur if a person is recovering from [...]

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Coping Skills for Anger in Women

Coping Skills for Anger in Women

Caitlin Mallery2024-11-21T17:10:08+00:00November 21st, 2024|Anger Issues, Featured, Individual Counseling, Women’s Issues|

In a society that dismisses anger in men as usual and anger in women as undesirable, it can be challenging to assume there are any healthy coping skills for anger other than suppression. However, anger, like other emotions, is a symptom of a problem. Anger floods the body with hormones that can make it challenging to find the source of the problem. By developing healthy coping skills for anger, you can identify solutions that go a long way in preventing anger from happening in the first place. Anger in Women: Start with Self-Awareness Self-awareness is challenging in the heat of anger, but noticing your anger will be the quickest way to resolve it. Take a moment to take some slow, deep breaths, slow your heart rate, and get some oxygen to your brain before you become overwhelmed physically and mentally by anger. Focus on Facts Anger can start with one thing and spiral to many other things. When you are angry, it is important to focus on objective facts. It can be difficult to bring facts to an emotional fight, but it’s better for you to do it yourself rather than have others point it out to you. If you can write out the facts of the situation that triggered your anger, you might be able to find solutions. Sometimes, you are angry because of your environment. If you are too hot, or too cold, if your clothes are uncomfortable or the music is too loud, you might feel anger starting to rise. Are you tired? It might be time to take a break. Are you hungry? Get a snack (ideally some fruit or protein). Do you know what stage of your cycle you are in? The ebb and flow of hormones does have an impact on your mood. [...]

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Helpful Tips for Recovering From Codependency

Helpful Tips for Recovering From Codependency

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T12:07:11+00:00October 17th, 2024|Codependency, Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

We are deeply relational and social creatures, which means that we are at our best when we are in healthy relationships with others. It’s truly said that no person is an island. We’re all caught up in a web of relationships in which we rely on others and others rely on us. The difficulty comes when that healthy reliance and dependence becomes something else. Codependency is one way to have an unhealthy reliance on others, and recovering from codependency can be complicated. Signs of a codependent relationship The term “codependency” describes a situation where a person’s sense of self isn’t well developed, and they rely too much on others for their identity. A codependent person defines themselves by the likes and acceptance of others. This means that they don’t have a stable sense of self rooted in something deeper than their present circumstances. Codependency happens for many different reasons, including dysfunctional family dynamics, social or cultural expectations, attachment issues, or unresolved childhood trauma. There are a few common signs that indicate codependency, and these include the following that you can look out for in your life: Having difficulty setting and maintaining healthy boundaries Codependent people struggle to say “No” or to set limits with others. This inability to set limits, coupled with often prioritizing the needs of others, will lead to feelings of resentment, burnout, or emotional exhaustion. Excessive reliance on others If your emotions rely excessively on others, that could be a sign of codependency. This might look like having a strong need for constant validation, reassurance, or emotional support from others, often at the expense of your own emotional well-being. Loss of personal identity If you feel like you have lost your sense of autonomy, or that you’ve lost touch with your interests, values, or goals, and [...]

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OCD and Anxiety: Practical Strategies for Managing Intrusive Thoughts

OCD and Anxiety: Practical Strategies for Managing Intrusive Thoughts

Stephanie Kramer2024-09-25T10:20:48+00:00August 30th, 2024|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling, OCD|

Intrusive thoughts, which are common in OCD patients, are involuntary, unwanted thoughts, images, or impulses that can be disturbing and distressing. Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is a mental health condition characterized by recurring, unwanted thoughts (obsessions) and repetitive behaviors or mental acts that an individual feels driven to perform. Intrusive thoughts often revolve around themes of harm, violence, or other negative content. It is important to note, that simply having them does not mean that you will act on them or that they are true. These thoughts do not reflect a person’s desire or intention, or what is true about a situation. Instead, they are a common experience in anxiety disorders and OCD patients where the mind fixates on potential threats and catastrophes. Practical Strategies for Overcoming Intrusive Thoughts There are many behavioral-based approaches that therapists use to help those who suffer from intrusive thoughts. A therapist can offer personalized recommendations to their clients based on their unique needs. Here are a few practical strategies that can also you help manage them. Thought stopping This technique involves consciously interrupting the intrusive thought process by mentally shouting “Stop!” or visualizing a stop sign. While this is not a long-term solution, it can provide immediate relief. For people who follow Christ, speaking the name of Jesus whenever an intrusive thought comes to mind is also an effective method. Memorization and meditation Memorize and meditate on the Bible to help combat intrusive thoughts. Write out and try to memorize scriptures that focus on the goodness of God to help retrain your brain to focus on Him rather than your intrusive thoughts. Cognitive defusion This mindfulness-based technique involves distancing oneself from intrusive thoughts by observing them as external events rather than internal truths. For instance, instead of thinking “I am going to fail,” one [...]

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Identifying an Emotionally Abusive Relationship and Finding Healing

Identifying an Emotionally Abusive Relationship and Finding Healing

Jennifer Kooshian2024-09-25T09:45:19+00:00August 14th, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Trauma|

People can do the worst kind of harm to other people. Instead of using the gift of speech to celebrate one another, or to encourage each other, we can tear each other down, lie to each other, or undermine one another (Ephesians 4:29; James 3:1-12). Such harm can occur even in our closest relationships, which makes it all the more painful because we are most vulnerable to the people we love, which is why an emotionally abusive relationship is so devastating. If you’re in a situation where you’re being subjected to emotional abuse, it’s possible for it to feel normal and part of how you relate to one another. This can make it doubly hard to address the issues in the relationship and change patterns of thought and behavior to draw the relationship toward healthy outcomes. If these harmful patterns are identified, with hard and consistent work from both parties, things can turn around. Identifying an emotionally abusive relationship Emotional abuse is a form of behavior that’s aimed at controlling another person by chipping away at their self-confidence, isolating them, shaming them, blaming them, and undermining their self-esteem. It usually takes the form of bullying behaviors and words intended to undermine the value and well-being of another person. It may sound surprising that emotional abuse can be hard to detect. However, emotional abuse can be quite subtle, and the way it affects people can make it hard for them to confidently pinpoint the abuse as it’s happening. When a person suffers emotional abuse, one effect is to undermine their sense of self, their self-worth, as well as their self-esteem, and that can create a psychological dependence on the abuser. Emotional abuse can feel normal, and all the more so if you question your own judgment about the experiences you’re [...]

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Exercise and Mental Health: Benefits of Self-Care

Exercise and Mental Health: Benefits of Self-Care

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T12:07:17+00:00August 5th, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

There’s a kind of rush and sense of euphoria that comes from getting your body moving. You could be dancing, running, roller-skating, doing parkour, cycling, lifting weights, or playing a game of pickleball, but when you get moving, it feels good. We are “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14, ESV), and our bodies, minds, and emotions work together in connected and often complicated ways, meaning that mental health is important. Mental health and you When you’re not doing alright in one area of your life, that can have an impact on other areas. If your mental health suffers, for instance, that affects your ability to work, play, and have meaningful interactions with others. According to the World Health Organization, mental wellness is about being able to cope with the stresses of life, realize your abilities, learn well and work well, and contribute meaningfully to your community. Good mental health allows you to build relationships with others, and make decisions that affect your environment. Many issues can affect a person, and these include factors that aren’t in their control, like genetics, experiences of trauma, or the environment that one is in. There are different ways a person’s mental health can be affected, and the effects can range from mild to severe. There’s a lot of public education that’s still needed regarding mental health, and a good deal of that can be directed at building awareness that mental health issues are common, and there’s no shame in seeking help. Depending on the issue, sometimes taking simple self-help measures will set things right, but in other cases, the intervention of a mental health professional and treatment that includes medication may be required. Some signs of poor mental health When a person is affected negatively by one thing or another, it affects them [...]

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Advice for Men: Maintaining a Good Relationship With Your Parents

Advice for Men: Maintaining a Good Relationship With Your Parents

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T12:07:26+00:00July 1st, 2024|Coaching, Family Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Relationship Issues|

As we get older, most of us become more independent of our parents. That might look like going out of state for college or work, entering a serious relationship, and moving across the country or another. It might mean getting a job to provide for yourself, and it may also mean making choices such as taking up our parents’ faith as our own and believing it for ourselves. Whatever growing up may look like for you, most parents are pleased when their child takes their steps into the world and begins managing life on their own. One unfortunate reality that parents and their children often deal with is that their relationship doesn’t survive the distance or the conflicts that arise throughout the years. This makes it even more important to know how to have good relationships with your parents over the long haul. Why parent-child relationships matter Parents play a significant role in how their child grows and develops as a person. Our parents teach us our values and cultivate self-acceptance, self-awareness, and emotional intelligence. Our parents are part of our earliest and likely most influential memories, and it’s from them that children learn wisdom, get comfort, and guidance, learn coping skills, and communication skills, and get practical help. When we get older, our parents are a reservoir and pass on family traditions, cultural heritage, and stories about our family that can’t be Googled or found elsewhere. Parents also provide emotional support for children of any age, and as a child gets older they can also support their parents. While one’s relationship with their parents changes over time, they can continue to be a source of wisdom and valuable life experiences. Honoring your father and mother doesn’t look the same as you get older and as the parent-child dynamic [...]

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Hit the Target: Overcoming Insecurity in the Goal Setting and Personal Development Journey

Hit the Target: Overcoming Insecurity in the Goal Setting and Personal Development Journey

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T12:07:35+00:00June 5th, 2024|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

Seeing little to no significant change can be frustrating and demoralizing when we reflect upon goals we’ve set but haven’t seen come to fruition. Despite efforts, we can find ourselves discouraged by the gap between what we envisioned with God in one season and our current state, which can produce insecurity and hinder our personal development. Sometimes, we look to nearby distractions such as social media, which floods thoughts and timelines with messages about what we don’t have. In response, we shift focus onto lack instead of the abundance of Who is with us. Sometimes we connect more with the lies and inconsistencies in our reels and feeds than we do with Jesus’ unchanging nature (Hebrews 13:8). We are often more convinced about our inadequacy than in the abundant and all-encompassing God. We believe in the lie of not being, doing, or having enough. Whether trait or talent, we limit our view of who we are and what we are capable of. We misplace hope, pining for things to fill the blanks lodged in our souls. Instead of fostering inspiration to meet our goals and grow in personal development, an insecure and incomplete view of self breeds discontent, discord, and discouragement. Conquering discontentment There will be times when discontent creeps in and attempts to settle within. We can stem the tide, diverting the waves of ingratitude that erode steadfastness and joy. Giving thanks, even along our personal development journey softens our hearts. It makes us ready to respond to the Holy Spirit’s wisdom and ideas that aid us in building what the Father wants to be established on earth. A grateful heart helps us to remain teachable and humble enough to learn, yet patient enough to mentor others with what He’s planted within. Navigating discord Insecurity is based on [...]

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7 Tips for Building Self-esteem

7 Tips for Building Self-esteem

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T12:07:45+00:00May 30th, 2024|Abandonment and Neglect, Aging and Geriatric Issues, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Spiritual Development, Trauma|

Multi-billion-dollar industries have been built around the topic of how to get a good self-image or self-esteem and for good reason. How we think about ourselves has a huge impact on the type of life we live including the opportunities we pursue, the quality of the relationships we have, and our overall mental well-being. Individuals with healthy self-esteem tend to enjoy better interactions with people and are less knocked by challenges life throws at them. Those with poor self-esteem struggle and are more likely to develop depression or anxiety or use self-destructive behaviors to try and regulate their underlying feelings. Building self-esteem is also popular because, as people living in a fallen world, we tend to feel broken in some way. This is either a result of childhood trauma, imposed on us, unpleasant experiences during our growing up years (being on the receiving end of bullying at school, for instance), or simply because, on this side of heaven, we will always sense that we are not quite whole. We often try to do everything we can to feel right. Improvement and progress in this area are important. It is liberating, however, to realize that everyone experiences some sort of challenge in this area. The foundational truth which lies at the heart of building self-esteem is a deep understanding of the biblical doctrine of creation. Every person is infinitely valuable because God made them, and we were made in His own image (Genesis 1:27). In ways we can not fully explain, we are like God and can therefore enjoy a relationship with Him. More than that, He has made you with a special purpose in mind, “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God created beforehand that we should walk in them.” (Ephesians 2:10, ESV) [...]

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Is the Bible Helpful for Building Self Esteem?

Is the Bible Helpful for Building Self Esteem?

Melissa Plantz2024-09-25T09:07:41+00:00April 29th, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

We yearn to stand out and for our lives to mean something to someone. When we feel ignored and overlooked, our self-esteem takes a hit. We feel as if we do not matter and what we do is of no consequence. Yet, throughout the Bible, we see where God has taken the everyday lives of people and blessed them with His anointing. God is the Creator and the ultimate Builder when it comes to building self-esteem. Does God care about me? If you reread the first few chapters of Genesis, you may notice something unique about humans. We are the only creatures God created whom He breathed into to start life. God’s breathed life inside of each one of us and separated us from animals and other creations. God cared for and loved us enough to create us in His image and likeness. What we do matters to God. His Word states that He knows our comings and our goings. Building our self-esteem is wrapped in the realization that God finds us worthy and loved, and we should also find ourselves worthy of love. If God declared our physical bodies as the temple of the Holy Spirit, then we should treat our bodies as sacred to God, avoiding substances and behaviors that could harm the body. Humans judge each other based on appearance, intelligence, wealth, social status, education, and other factors. God views our hearts. You may feel insignificant at times, but God views you as a Son or Daughter, the rightful heir along with His Son, Jesus Christ. What is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them? You have made them a little lower than the angels and crowned them with glory and honor. – Psalm 8:4-5, NIV Building self-esteem with [...]

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